Hello Savannah! I think you did a great job on your project! Even though there was a bit much on your background information, I still think it was a nice tough in order to let readers understand what you will be explaining about in your project. I also have to commend you as well as I didn't understood the part where the mother can send her sons to the mainland but she has to rely on what they bring back to her, as I thought that she had to rely on her sons but you clarified it as in that she is forced to rely on them because with her hand tattoos, she could never get work or be accepted in the mainland, thus imprisoning her on Okinawa. Great Work!
Hi Savannah! Your project was not only clear cut and obviously well planned out, but also very poetic and stylistic. Your word choice was powerful and engaging, which made the entire piece a pleasure to read. I think the best part is the introduction, which sounds like something out of a text book with how much information is in it, but also lets you feel the plight of a civilization that was erased to save face. The way that you walked through time sequentially to describe how the treatment of the Okinawan people changed and worsened kept me from getting lost, and also gave important context to her writing. Also, the way you presented a passage from the text and then immediately explained the real life situation that the story was drawing from made it clear that this story was living history being recorded. I also think it's good that at the end you mentioned why this is important, because we get a more nuanced look into history than just what people want you to think to make them look good.
Hi Savannah, you did a brilliant job on your project. Your thesis statement was straightforward and very focused and your paragraphs were organized very well. You lead the reader through each of your points and keep the focus on the text and the author. You had a good amount of evidence from the text and you also used outside sources to support your points which is great. I had found the paragraph where it talks about trying to assimilate the Okinawan people to Japan very interesting because they would punish the individuals who tried to speak in their own language, which is horrible. This showed the challenges that the Okinawan people faced and you mention that these bits of history inspired Fusako to write the paper. Some things I would suggest to fix are sentence structure since some of the wording could be improved a bit, check the third to last paragraph where it says " They would not be welcome workers in japanese institutions and cities". Other than that your final project is brilliant, I especially liked the historical/cultural take on it. Nice job.
Hi Savannah, great job on your final project! What I liked most about your project was how well it flowed from beginning to end. It was very well organized and your paragraph structures were perfect. In addition, I had no trouble finding your thesis statement in your introduction paragraph. The quotations that you found supported your claims and you clearly showed the challenge and obstacles the Okinawa people had to go through. Great job Savannah! -Patrick
Hello Savannah!
ReplyDeleteI think you did a great job on your project! Even though there was a bit much on your background information, I still think it was a nice tough in order to let readers understand what you will be explaining about in your project. I also have to commend you as well as I didn't understood the part where the mother can send her sons to the mainland but she has to rely on what they bring back to her, as I thought that she had to rely on her sons but you clarified it as in that she is forced to rely on them because with her hand tattoos, she could never get work or be accepted in the mainland, thus imprisoning her on Okinawa. Great Work!
Hi Savannah! Your project was not only clear cut and obviously well planned out, but also very poetic and stylistic. Your word choice was powerful and engaging, which made the entire piece a pleasure to read. I think the best part is the introduction, which sounds like something out of a text book with how much information is in it, but also lets you feel the plight of a civilization that was erased to save face. The way that you walked through time sequentially to describe how the treatment of the Okinawan people changed and worsened kept me from getting lost, and also gave important context to her writing. Also, the way you presented a passage from the text and then immediately explained the real life situation that the story was drawing from made it clear that this story was living history being recorded. I also think it's good that at the end you mentioned why this is important, because we get a more nuanced look into history than just what people want you to think to make them look good.
ReplyDeleteHi Savannah, you did a brilliant job on your project. Your thesis statement was straightforward and very focused and your paragraphs were organized very well. You lead the reader through each of your points and keep the focus on the text and the author. You had a good amount of evidence from the text and you also used outside sources to support your points which is great. I had found the paragraph where it talks about trying to assimilate the Okinawan people to Japan very interesting because they would punish the individuals who tried to speak in their own language, which is horrible. This showed the challenges that the Okinawan people faced and you mention that these bits of history inspired Fusako to write the paper. Some things I would suggest to fix are sentence structure since some of the wording could be improved a bit, check the third to last paragraph where it says " They would not be welcome workers in japanese institutions and cities". Other than that your final project is brilliant, I especially liked the historical/cultural take on it. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteHi Savannah,
ReplyDeletegreat job on your final project! What I liked most about your project was how well it flowed from beginning to end. It was very well organized and your paragraph structures were perfect. In addition, I had no trouble finding your thesis statement in your introduction paragraph. The quotations that you found supported your claims and you clearly showed the challenge and obstacles the Okinawa people had to go through. Great job Savannah!
-Patrick